


and yet we are alive

by lutzaussi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 04:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10403700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lutzaussi/pseuds/lutzaussi
Summary: Naruto and Sakura make it through the Chuunin Exams, through the fight with Gaara.Sasuke does not.





	

Sakura knows that she cried; she had to have cried. But after a point she feels herself empty, no more tears coming, no more tears left for the boy that she had been in love with. It is simple logic: they are shinobi. Most shinobi die in the line of duty. There is no use dedicating your existence to grieving when you still have a life to live.

So, after two weeks in her room, Sakura cleans out. She trims her hair, takes a shower, changes the sheets, opens the window and breathes. Sakura understands that grief is a process that goes in stages and that she hasn’t quite hit acceptance yet, but it’s just around the bend. She intends to meet it there.

-

Naruto is nearly comatose when she comes to visit him for the second time since it happened. She doesn’t bring daffodils, but she does have a sprig of aster surrounded by white daisies in a cup of water, and she sits by him and holds his hand. Enough people probably speak of current events in his hearing range, so instead she tells him about all of the flowers that she found growing in the meadow she and Ino used to play in, how the birds have returned to their former roosts, and how the wall has already been rebuilt.

The little things.

Naruto catches the hem of her shirt before she leaves, says, “I’m going to be leaving. Ero-sennin wants me to go with him to find someone.”

Her jaw trembles only a little, but she sets it and nods.

-

Kakashi is gone for a full month. Sakura understands; she’s heard about his morning ritual. She also understands that she does not know loss as fully as him or others living in the village, but she is also glad for the space.

The two of them were never particularly close, but tragedy changes people. A month and a week on, Naruto’s still off in places unknown and Sakura is feeling too cooped up, like she’s bursting from her skin. She goes to their old training ground because some wounds need to be reopened to properly heal, and runs through her taijutsu katas until she’s almost asleep from exhaustion. She sits at the base of the target log, gulps in air for three minutes, then tries to stand. With legs that feel like lead it doesn’t work, but Kakashi is suddenly there, and he hoists her up and takes her back to her parents’ house, all without saying a word.

 _The little things_ , Sakura thinks, when she’s in the bath. And she doesn’t count it as crying because she ducks her head into the water.

-

Sakura’s first glimpse of Tsunade, Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure, is when the woman is leaving the operating theatre Lee was taken to. She looks at Gai, whose eyes are baggy from missed sleep, and though she looks exhausted she smiles and says, “He’ll make a full recovery.”

She waits to watch them wheel Lee out, and he does look better, he looks less broken and more whole. The zinnias in her hands go in a vase next to his bed as he sleeps, and she wonders almost deliriously if she might be able to do what her new Hokage can.

The next day Sakura is at the Hokage Tower, and as soon as Tsunade’s aide lets her into the woman’s office, she bows and says, “Tsunade-sama! Please take me on as your disciple!”

-

The next month she doesn’t have to worry about not thinking about Sasuke, because she is learning new things every other minute and needs to be thinking of those things. Tsunade is a hard teacher but sometimes, on bad days when Sakura’s skin is again feeling too tight, she cuts short the lessons. Sakura spends fewer and fewer afternoons in training ground, being carried home by Kakashi because she’s too exhausted, as time wears on.

With Naruto back it is better, because Naruto has this remarkable ability to make things better, no matter where he goes. They don’t talk much at first because they are still tiptoeing around the cracks that have been left in their lives, but slowly Naruto regains his boisterous spirit and Sakura remembers that she doesn’t need to keep her thoughts only in her mind.

Which makes it all the worse when two men attempt to kidnap Naruto, and she finds Pakkun in her bed after a particularly grueling day under Tsunade. He has a note and when she reads it she crumples. Naruto leaving, for years.

Pakkun noses his way against her chest, between her arms as she’s laying on her bed, and his voice is low and rumbling when he says, “I can stay for as long as you need, kid.”

-

She stands at the gate with Jiraiya and Kakashi and Iruka and Tsunade on the day that Naruto leaves, remains quiet as the adults talk.

Naruto arrives quietly, and he seems surprised at the people who have turned out to see him on his way. He hugs Iruka, then gingerly Kakashi around the man’s crutches, steps back to point a finger at Tsunade and say something that Sakura doesn’t care about to the woman. He turns to Sakura, and they both move at once.

“Be safe,” she says, hugs him fiercely and is hugged fiercely in return. “Come back.”

“Be safe,” he says. “I will.”

She releases him and steps back, sandwiched between Iruka and Kakashi, and they all wave as Naruto follows Jiraiya out of the gate. And Sakura waves and waves until her hand goes blurry in front of her, and both of her former teachers have an arm wrapped around her back.

Sakura does count it as crying, but she doesn’t mind. Naruto will come back.

-

Six months after, Sakura clenches three red spider lilies in her hands and walks from the flower shop to the graveyard. It isn’t hard to find Uchiha Sasuke’s gravestone, and she crouches in front of it, shifts the flowers from her hand to the hard, cold ground in front of the stone.

She stays there for a while, until the sun is fully up and she knows she needs to be at the hospital. But she lingers for a moment, brushes her fingers over the decisive cuts of the name, and breathes.

Sakura stands and turns, giving the stone one last look before she leaves. She has turned the bend. She has work to do.


End file.
